Parents Say the Darndest Things
: When my parents criticize me:

On the outside I’m like:

but on the inside i’m like:

Waste Not, Want Not
(I walk into the kitchen and notice my mom wearing black shorts)
Me: (after taking a good look at them) know those are my old soccer shorts, right?
Mom: NO, these are your sister's shorts
Me: No, those are definitely my shorts back from like 3rd grade...
Mom: Well, I guess you can say this family never puts anything to waste.
The version of the haitian lullaby you posted isnt as bad as the version they sang to me. Lol

I’m sure there are probably worse versions out there lol. Care to share what your version said?

Childhood Lullaby

So in the U.S., every kid as heard the “Rock-a-Bye Baby” lullaby used to put infants to sleep. I always found it odd that kids were sung the story of a baby falling from a tree in order to get them to sleep until I was thinking back to a Haitian lullaby my parents used to sing when I was a kid. Loosely translated, here’s how it goes:

Sleep, child of your mom

Sleep, child of your father

If you do not go to sleep

The crab* will eat you

If you do not go to sleep

The crab will eat you

Your mother is not here

She went to the river

Your father is not here

He went fishing

If you do not go to sleep

The crab will eat you

If you do not go to sleep

The crab will eat you

….This is how Haitian parents put their kids to sleep.

*There are a few variations to this lullaby. The most popular one tells the baby that a crab will eat them, however in the one that my mom knew and was sung to her, it was said that the devil would come eat you. Take your pick.

That doctor? He looks like that creature from the movie your sister likes, [Smeagle, from Lord of the Rings]
My dad, on Ron Paul.
Sleeping Driver
Dad: I just saw that man turn towards me while he was driving but I didn't see his eyes!
Me: Dad, that's racist.
Dad: Maybe he was sleeping at the wheel.